It's time to come down to earth

(but oh, I really want a relationship)

Hello and welcome to the latest share from my teenage diaries

I hope you’re ready for some peak pre-teen flights of fancy, dearest readers — of which there are now 102 of you! I’ve been hoping to break into triple-figure subscriber numbers for a while, and at last we’re here.

Thanks to each and every one of you reading this from your inbox. This is such a personal newsletter to write, and it’s also sometimes a tricky journey to be navigating, so it genuinely means a lot to have folks wanting to read this and be a part of it.

To celebrate this milestone, I have, as I said above, got something very teenagery for you.

So let’s go!

We’re travelling back to March 1994

I’m 12 years old, soon to be 13, and there is one thing I am interested in.

LADS.

I am bloody desperate for a boyfriend.

Compelling evidence:

“RELATIONSHIP”

—You’ve no business saying that word so much aged 12, Teresa.

But yes, that pretty much sets the scene and the space I was operating in.

Then, as this diary entry goes on, but before we get into the “bulk” of what I’m going to share with you today, I do something quite magical. Something I must admit I am entranced by as an adult woman who’s looking back and seeing the way her almost-teenage brain worked.

Here it is: I start talking about my celebrity crush, Howard Donald from boyband Take That — as if I am only just realising that I might not marry him.

Look:

I mean!

It’s like I’m having to have a word with myself — while remaining somewhat hopeful. Using the word “if” like the marriage could happen — then reasoning how it’d be unfair to him.

I just find that whole paragraph fascinating. Maybe it’s like a representation of two parts of myself in operation: one part with a vivid imagination where anything is possible, and the other shaking her head: Now now, Teresa, back down to earth you come.

So what did I do next, after talking myself down?

Luckily, something fun for us: I let my imagination go free again — but in a slightly different way.

“This would be what I would want to happen — in town — with normal lads.”

Excellent. This is the signal that I am about to do something I loved to do at this age where I have already confessed I am thinking about lads “a right lot”—

I imagine what it would be like to meet one and fall in love — and I write it all out in my diary.

Ready? Be prepared for a whirlwind romance with a lot of time-stamps.

---

In town with normal lads

This is an account of the “relationship” 12-year-old me dreamt up for herself

(and her best friend, Laura)

NOTE: I’ll be offering my current insights about what I’ve written as we go along — if you just want to read the story just scroll down and read the diary extracts, then come back up and get my present day feelings about it all.

What a smooth beginning: a double date has been established very quickly, in Doncaster town centre, after two boys followed me and my friend Laura around the shops.

THAT was a meet cute in the 90s.

Gotta say props to Laura for taking the bull by the horns and asking Simon out herself.

Interesting, look at the circle above the ‘i’ in Simon — do you think he insists on it?

Okay — here’s what happens next.

Ah, there you are, little Teresa, with your penchant for including what time it is in any story you write!

Love how I put ‘3’ for our curfew at first — then change it to 4.

And I do like this: “We go into shops etc.” What exciting things did “etc” stand for? Because there was pretty much nothing else to do in Donny town centre in 1994 other than go around the shops. (And fall in love, obv.)

B.K. — Burger King — for dinner! (known as lunch elsewhere) Wildly more sophisticated than MacDonald’s, and more special than getting a sandwich from Cooplands and eating it in the street.

And then we ….

Keep seeing each other! It’s only been about 2 hours!

What next, Teresa?

Oh.

But wait! Because —

!

And there I go with stating the time again (2.00) really adding to the atmosphere.

And then —

Teresa, honestly, R U OK?

!

Another land!

It’s all very sudden, isn’t it?

Why are Laura and Si (yes, he definitely likes his name with the circle above the ‘i’) walking arm in arm??? Like they’re wealthy sisters walking around their parkland in 1812?

Nice that Andy and myself kiss properly, rather than me “sitting there” and going into some kind of trance again.

Ah!

A split chain! The absolute pinnacle of showing you loved someone in the 90s was buying one of those chains that was like a heart split in two, and you wore one half of the heart each.

It was definitely procured from Elizabeth Duke at Argos.

So there it is.

You start a diary entry giving yourself a metaphorical slap around the face: TERESA YOU WILL (probably) NOT MARRY HOWARD DONALD (probably)

and so you turn your attention to what Doncaster has to offer: going round the shops, dining at Burger King, going swimming and ice skating, and getting classy jewellery for your bday.

It’s true love. 4 eva.

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I hope you enjoyed that. If you did, please hit the heart button, or leave a comment, or share this with people who you think would like it too. I would love to reach more readers, and personal recommendations / forwarding emails / sharing on social media etc can really help. But only if you wanna.

Everything here is free to read, but there’s also the option to get a paid subscription for £5 per month if you’re interested in supporting the publication that way. It’s currently at £39 for the year, bargain.

Oh and if you want to know more about that “no-go” relationship I mentioned right at the start — the one with James — where no one thought about kissing or holding hands — you can read about it here on Substack in this past issue of My Teenage Diaries,

and also in this zine I made.

OKAY that’s all for this time!

Thank you, as ever, for being here and taking this trip back to the 90s with me. Please reach out or drop a comment if any of this resonated, I love hearing from you.

See you soon,

Teresa x

Extra stuff: I had a great conversation with Emily from unfinishing podcast about the deeper aspects of my teenage diary writing and what it’s like to revisit them | And a fun conversation with It’ll be Alright in the 90s podcast about 5 things I’d bring back from the decade | If you don’t already follow me on Instagram, you might wanna, cos I post extra bits and pieces of the diaries there | If you’re interested in zines (zeens) you can find more of my work here.