Dear future husband,
this is Teresa, a long time ago
Friends, you are in for a teenage treat today.
I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that something I loved doing when I was younger was drafting out letters in my diary: often to famous people I loved or admired, sometimes to friends I saw daily, frequently to penpals I’d never met, and once to the local paper (though that didn’t turn out too well).
And occasionally I would write to ‘the future’: sometimes that was my future self, and, once, as you will see in a moment — to my future husband.
This week, I went on a brilliant podcast called unfinishing, created and produced by Emily Anderson. Emily and I had a wonderful free-flowing chat about what it’s like to share my teenage diaries here in this very public way, and the highs and lows of such a vulnerable project and endeavour. I also read the letter to my future husband out loud.
I hope you’ll have a listen to the episode — it’s a great accompaniment to what you’re about to read here. And, along with my deeper reflections about diary writing, I also shared a list I made when I was 13 of ways I planned to impress a boy I liked — including finding out what his favourite sweets were, and keeping some on me in case I bumped into him. Aaaaggggeeeeaaaagh! (That’s the noise of embarrassment, obv.)
Okay so — on with the letter to my future husband, which I am going to share below, in its entirety. Almost. The only thing I’m crossing out/redacting is a list of my ‘favourite friends’, just because I’m not in touch with a few of them now, and so I think it’s better to not share their names.
That’s actually something else Emily and I chatted about: knowing when to editorialise what I share here. As with many of my answers, it’s a grey area, and can be a bit complex. I tend to make these decisions as I go, based on each situation. Hear more about that and lots of other things in the episode.
So here’s the letter, written almost 30 years ago.
Dear future husband
What do you make of that?
I find it quite wistful, and mature. It’s also very nostalgic — as in, I was already feeling nostalgic for the time I was living in, before I’d even left it.
It’s very knowing, perhaps wise? But also sweet, and there’s some foretelling there too: I’m worried about losing touch with certain friends when I get older, and as I mentioned above, I have lost touch with several on that list. And I’m sad about that. In this modern era, I could, of course, find them easily enough. I probably will.
Now…. are you ready for what can only be described as a bombshell?
Hit play on this short piece of audio from the podcast. You’ll hear me reading the very end of that letter, and revealing something about the letter “M”:
Click here to listen to the whole episode on Spotify (it’s also on Apple podcasts), and read more about the unfinishing podcast here. Do take a look through the episode catalogue because there are so many interesting ones. I really enjoyed this one with Sophia Siddique Harvey, about a film she made, and lost, and found again (kind of) called Shirkers. There’s also a Netflix documentary about that, too.
Before I go
A little favour to ask. This newsletter currently has 97 subscribers, with about 500 reads/views each month, which is pretty amazing considering how irregularly I write to you; all the articles with “Tips for Substack Success” etc say I should have a consistent weekly schedule, posting on the same day each week, but as you are probably aware, I haven’t followed that advice (or any other marketing blueprints).
I share when I can, which means when I’m not too busy, and when I have something to say. I try to be as genuine and sincere as possible, and sometimes that means not forcing a newsletter just for the sake of it. I aim, loosely, to post twice a month, but sometimes life and other creative projects get in the way.
Anyway, I’m digressing, but what I’m gearing around to is that it’s very tantalising to be so close to 100 subscribers!
Can you help give me a shove into triple figures?
— BUT only if it feels good to you to do that.
In the same way that I don’t force the writing, I don’t want anyone else to force the sharing. But if you genuinely enjoy the newsletter, there are a couple of easy things you can do to help to spread the word.
The main one is to sincerely tell people about it. Everyone appreciates a genuine recommend, so you could do that in person, or on social media (extra useful if you tag me), or you could forward this email to a few friends and say, Hey you might like this!
Or send a DM with a link to the Teenage Diaries webpage where they can choose to subscribe, or just read past issues.
If you have a Substack newsletter yourself, you could add this one to the list of newsletters you recommend to your readers. I am happy to return that favour, just reach out. Likewise, if you’d like to collaborate on a post, message me with any ideas.
I think that’s about it!
However this newsletter grows, I want it to be as organic as possible, which is why I’m asking for those who appreciate it to pass it on. I know some of you do that anyway, but also I know modern life is busy and we’re not always in that mode of sharing and so on. So this is a gentle call, with no expectations.
OKAY I am going now!
But wait, I feel I have to leave you with one last thing of value—
so here’s a list of “food” I packed in my rucksack for a 24-hour coach trip to Austria with school when I was 13.
Yeah, no wonder your rucksack was “dead heavy”, Teresa! Holy sugar-induced headache, Batman.
Until next time,
Teresa x
Extra things: If you’re into zines, or zine-curious, you might enjoy seeing the ones I make | Follow me on Instagram for more diary-related stuff, other creative pursuits, and photos of the local cats | If you like listening to me yap away, as well as the unfinishing episode, I’ve also chatted to It’ll be Alright in the 90s about all things 90s I also read a few diary extracts out there too — listen here to that episode | Something different: a short story I had in The Guardian quite some time ago.