BACK at the SLUM

Friends, it’s been ages.

I last shared My Teenage Diaries with you in … October. Wowza. So why such a long gap?

Before I get into it, if you prefer, you can listen to me reading this issue here:

Well, I want to be as honest as I can here, so I will tell you that back in Oct/Nov I was feeling a bit… lacklustre about what I was doing creatively. Not just here, but in my zine-making too. Along with that “off” feeling, I also got particularly busy with freelance work, and it was becoming harder to find the time and the appropriate amount of care needed to do it all, so I took a step back from making / writing anything of my own, thinking I would most likely feel reinvigorated by the new year.

But by January, more editing / writing work came in, and a few other things needed my attention. Whenever I had some free time, I just wanted to read, or go for a walk in nature, or watch TV.

Ok, mostly watch TV. (God, I love telly. I devoured Yellow Jackets, The Comeback, Somebody Somewhere, and Hacks. ALL were fantastic.)

Taking a break from writing / creating can be a bit weird and potentially scary, especially because we’re used to thinking that we need to keep going, keep making, keep being productive. I did do some journal writing, more reflecting than outright creating, and unlike my teenage diaries, not likely to ever be publicly consumed.

So as much as I occasionally thought I should be doing something creative that could be shared with the world — because how else will I ever “get somewhere”??? (hello, fearful thinking) I also had the deeper feeling it just wasn’t the time for me to be trying to figure anything out. I had to put my trust in not doing, or at least, not seeming to “do”. Maybe something else was gestating? Maybe.

ANYWAY, about a week ago, I finished a major book editing project for a client, and though I still have two other writing / editing projects in progress, it’s freed my time back up to normal-for-me levels.

So today I thought: Maybe just get the box of diaries out. Or have a read through the last couple of newsletters. See where you got up to last, where you might go next.

It wasn’t long before I found something I wanted to share, so here I am! And it was also just nice to look through the posts, and the comments here and on Insta. It was also interesting to see that strangely, even though I obviously haven’t been putting any new issues out, this Substack has still been getting regular views, and even a couple of new subscribers. Hello! Wonderful to have your eyes here.

And your ears too — because as you probably noticed (at the top) I have recorded the audio version for this issue, too. They’re fun to do. And at least one person has told me they enjoy listening while they’re going about their routine at work. That was really nice to hear.

So what am I sharing with you today?

I was really happy to find this, from April 1994. I was about to turn 13, and I like this page because it REALLY packs a lot in, and glides through many different subjects with absolute grace.

So it seems I am:

• annoyed to be back at school (the SLUM) after Easter hols

• happy to have learnt a new word: “nymphamiac” (but not how to spell it)

• reviewing the new headmaster: “ok”

• hopeful that he has the power to change the National Curriculum to cater to MY preferences

• noting that I’m meant to be having an early night, yet it’s 10pm (!)

• also noting that my friend wants me to try to get one of the boys in our class to go out with her, and I have no clue how to do that

• saying I want him to “give her a go”, which is funny phrasing, isn’t it? Like I’m not that hyped about her myself. Go on, give her a go, she’s not that bad. Great wing woman.

• then I make the point that this boy who my friend likes came third in what I have called my “Class Love List”. And just WHAT was that? Oh, it’s a list I made where I gave all the boys in my class marks out of ten for their looks and personality and then added the scores and ranked them in order! I mean… TERESA.

• oh, and even though that boy came third on my list, I assert that I don’t actually fancy him myself. I guess true love / attraction cannot be measured or ranked or something?

Anyway, as I said, I love that whole page for how much it packs in. Also, did you see how we go from the definition of a nymphomaniac right into the news about the arrival of the new headmaster, as if they’re connected? There’s no subtext! I just hardly ever used paragraphs in my diaries, for some reason.

---

Third-hand Gerbil

We’re going back in time six months for this one: to the autumn of 1993 when I was 12 and delighted to have a new pet.

Reader, I called this poor passed-around gerbil …

Joseph Reuben Simeon Levi Napthali Isaachar Asher Dan Zebulun Gad Benjamin Stenson.

If you know, you know. If you don’t know, there’s a clue in here.

---

Going home 4 lunch

Back to 1994 now. I’ve turned 13 and I’m making a pros and cons list about whether or not I should start going home at lunch time.

What I like about that list is nestled in amongst all the practical considerations — which are geared towards losing the shackles and burdens of being a school kid (lightening my rucksack, leaving my coat, more lunch options, going to the loo) I can “See Reub and Mills” (my kittens) but mostly, I can “See Mum”.

Such a simple thing, to have that on a list. It stands out to me now because it’s so casual, and so odd that there was a time in my life when I could just … see her. (If you’re a new reader, you may not know that my mum died when I was 28.)

I wonder if the fascination I have with that sense of ease is why one of the most common kind of dreams I have about my mum are just really simple ones where I’m going to visit her, and she’s done something lovely like got us a cake, or, if I’m still living at home in the dream, she’s maybe washed my bedding or something else that makes me feel welcome, and loved, and at home. I cherish those dreams when they come.

---

I very much enjoyed writing this. It’s good to be back. NOT back at the slum.

Funnily, that new headmaster went on to bring a lot of change to our school — including a complete overhaul of the timetable, making the school day quite a lot shorter, but somehow fuller — or at least “fuller” with education (tut). We had fewer breaks and a shorter lunch, and instead of finishing at 4.30pm, we finished at 2.50pm. With a good wind I could be home by 3 — and that was amazing.

Thanks for reading, as always.

Back soon,

Teresa xx

Follow me on Insta | Listen to me going on about the 90s on the brilliant It’ll be Alright in the 90s podcast | Have a look at the zines I make

Please do share this email with anyone who might like it, and if you’re reading this on Substack, becoming a subscriber (it’s free!) is a great way to support what I do here, and you’ll never miss an issue.